A diversion into memory.

Ok, so I've been getting pretty serious with my blog lately, so I'm thinking tonight will be a little laid back.

I have been inspired to write again. There has been a lot of live performance and beautiful artistry in my life, and my recent visit with my two incredibly musical brothers has ignited that old flame that I though was dead.

To start off, I will right a poem. I will ask my wife for a word to be my theme. brb.

Ok, the word is purple. Thanks Heather! Sorry to have interrupted Project Runway! :(

Enjoy, and thank you for reading.




I see in you my eyes glimmering softly

that same child's smile that I remember from so long ago is greeting me once again

the ten fingers and the ten toes, treading adeptly on the driveway and in the mud

are only newer versions of mine that did so long ago





I have walked the same paths as you

I have spoke the same words and cried the same tears as you

I have kissed my mother's lips in love and held my father's hands in comfort

just as when you wish goodnight or experience pain





But for all I know you and I share

for all of the experiences that complete our bond

I know that time will cut your mold and allow you to drain from that which I am

and form into a soul with its own dimensions, with its own character and finesse





I know that you will prefer to stand in the places I sat

I hope that you will run at the moments I walked, and stare boldly ahead when I flinched

your progress will take you not from me, but to a place just as special and important

and I will always carry with me the reminders of this time





I see in you my eyes glimmering softly

and that mischievous smile is telling me to be on my guard

your favorite color in front of us on the paper shows our family, all with faces and stick legs

and i know you'll always be my little girl




emmett h. buhmann


8-26-2010

Being A Grownup: Part 1

WARNING!

SAPPY-ROMANTIC-NOSTALGIC ALERT!!

NAVIGATE AWAY NOW, FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY!!!

It was a strange weekend. I was reminded, somewhat inadvertently, of...

Well, of lots of things.

The sanctity of marriage for one. Why I chose for my partner the woman I did, and why (though times are not always ideal) we have weathered the storm and helped each other through our various troubles. Why am I in Lubbock Texas? I could have gotten a job wherever I wanted while my wife went to school. People do it all the time!

Well why, eight years ago, was she in Midland Texas with me, leaving behind all that she knew? Then it was because we were "young" and "crazy" and "Madly in LOOOOOOVE!" We had no plan. We were on an adventure, and the glass was the color of roses. It was the great experiment, and our relationship was tested. Those tests showed us that we could do it.

Through the years and the moves and the marriage and the debt and the fights and the parenthood and the changes, it is sure that the glass has faded somewhat. Now its more like we are "getting older" and "freaking out a little" and "i love you..." with a goodbye kiss in the morning, if there's time. The exciting unplanned adventure has turned into a highly controlled and micromanaged panic attack, skating through the adult years with the hope that it will all pay off someday.

So why am I here? Is it for the money? (Don't even get me started!) Is it for the culture? Is it for the opportunity? Is it for the career advancement? No. I came here to companion the woman I Love. I came here to raise my daughter build a family. I am here to be the support system that she was for me. Regardless of how wonderful of a time we are (or are not) having, we are in this together.

While I am here I vowed to do my damnedest to keep my skills alive and pad my resume until we can both go on to our dream jobs. Luckily my resume is being "padded" from a job that I love and am passionate about, and I am working with people who are in this for the same reasons as me, because we love what we do. It is this serendipitous collaborative environment that has made my transition here significantly more bearable. The skills and connections I have gathered over the last year, and in the years to come will serve me for the rest of my life. But it is the commitment to my wife and family that drives all of this, and I must always remember that none of it is worth anything without them by my side.

I Love You Heather, though at times it might be hard to see past the immediacy of whatever situation we might be facing. Whatever it takes, I am convinced that we will come away from it all covered perhaps with shit, but smelling like roses. Because you are my flower...

I was going to rattle on more about things like what it means to get older, how your priorities change, and just how awkward it is to be the only married parent in a group of single, young people out for a good time, but I feel this last little bit of exploration was cathartic enough.

I seem to have almost nailed down a regular theme for this blog though...somewhat narcissistic yet insightful snippets into my life that, in a way, convey some universal truth that I am very keenly and specifically privy to. Eh?

See you next time.

~Emmett